You Don’t Need To Be Aggressive To Be Sexually Assertive


You Don’t Need To Be Dominant To Be Sexually Assertive: How to Be More Commanding in Sex.


I recently started following Jenna Owsianik on Twitter. She is a writer and communications professional based in Canada with some serious credentials backing her up. In addition, she is an editor at @FutureofSex and @TechAbleWorld. What immediately caught my attention was that she seemed to be an ambitious and talented women. As an aspiring writer myself, I am always looking for high-caliber women, to look up to. So I hit that follow button. A few days later, I got a follow back. I always fan-girl a little when someone I don’t personally know but admire from afar follows me back.

Not only did she follow me back, but she also engaged with me on Twitter. She asked if I had any tips for women on how they can be more successfully assertive. Now, I read the question as “sexually assertive” and I got really excited. I came up with some tips on how women can be more sexually assertive. As it turns out, she did mean more assertive in a general way. But this list has tips that can be used outside of the bedroom as well, you just take out the sexy parts. Not only that, Jenna gave me a second blog post idea. So, thanks Jenna!

How To Be More Sexually Assertive

1. Acknowledge Your Pleasure Wants And Needs: Keep in mind that most of the time, your partner(s) want to please you just as much as they want you to please them. Don’t be afraid to open up about what you like, what you want, and what you would like to explore. On the flip side, don’t be afraid to set boundaries and have clear communication on the things you don’t want or like.

2. Have No Shame: Referring to point #1 about opening up to your partner about your fantasies, don’t be AssertiveSexuallyashamed by what floats your boat. There is a term in the BDSM community and it’s “kink shaming”. And just like any other type of “shaming”, it’s wrong. Don’t sex shame yourself! If what floats your boat is safe, sane, consensual, legal, and doesn’t hurt anybody (well, unless they want to be hurt, that is),  never feel guilty or ashamed. Worse case scenario is that you try something and you don’t like it. At least you know now that you don’t fancy it.

3. Confidence is KEY: Have faith in yourself that you can be assertive or take the lead! If you lack confidence, the old adage “fake it ’till you make it” comes to mind. This is probably the one and only time “faking it” can actually improve your sex life. Soon, you will transition into  “real” confidence seamlessly. You probably won’t even notice or realize the conversion has occurred.

4. To Thyself Be True: If you don’t think you have it in you to fake it, then in lieu, or in tandem with, look up ways on how to boost your confidence levels. A few things that immediately pop into my head are: Think positively and evict negative thoughts from your mind. Your mind is precious real estate, there is no room for nullifying thoughts. A few more quick tips are to make sure you are getting plenty of quality rest, keep yourself well-hydrated, and properly nourished. I know those tips sound weird but you would be amazed by what a lack of those things can do to you physically, emotionally, and sexually.  Without going much further, I did a quick Google search on how to boost confidence for you.

sexualassertive5. Face Your Fears: Face those bastards head on! And while you’re at it, tackle things you have been putting off. Over-coming something you fear or are uncomfortable with or even just getting something  accomplished you have been putting off can really boost the way you feel about yourself.

6. Love Your Body: This follows and goes hand in hand with the confidence thing. You must love your body, it’s the only one you are ever going to get and you need to make it last as long as you live. Love every curve, every lump and bump, every stretch mark. I promise that your partner is not concerning themselves with the way your body naturally folds during the throws of passion. Remember, your partner finds you sexually attractive, if they didn’t, there’s a good chance they would not be intimate with you.

You Deserve Happiness

If you come away with anything after reading this post, I hope it is this: whether it’s in the bedroom or in every daysexuallyassertive life, remember that you deserve to be happy and experience all that you desire in this life. I know it’s easy to dole out advice, but I speak from experience. The better you treat yourself, the better you feel. The better you feel, the more confident you will be. The more confident you become, the more open you will become sexually. The more open you become sexually, the more assertive you will become. It is a pretty natural progression, although it isn’t necessarily an easy process. But it is one that reaps rewards and benefits of all kinds. Can you do me a favor? Just go ahead and test the waters. Good things will happen, I promise. Let me know how it goes!



Peace, Love, & a Hard Cock



Jenna Owsianik is a Canadian writer and communications professional. You can find her at her website here or check out Future of Sex here and Tech Able World here.

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